Πέμπτη, 18 Μαΐου 2017

Adieu! Adieu! Adieu...












Somewhere in the middle...

I met you in the middle of my story. 
Fairly bruised and torn
We did not deserve each other.

The beatings we did not see coming
Are violently crawling on our souls
Making sure that we remain weak enough
To accommodate them for another day.

Who let go of whose hand is not sure
Now in the middle of our story we are forlorn
Like part and parcel of the Lord
We abide by the calling of the addiction

White on foil and lard on porcelain
This is what our dreams have come to
The passion fizzled in the air
Leaving ashes and silence behind

We left Faith in the doorstep of Temptation
Surrendered our Spirits to the Love of the Beast
And somewhere here, in the middle
We gave up on a Love surreal

I loved you once
And so did you
But now there's only pain
Adieu! Adieu! Adieu..

Remember me...




Oasis - Stop Crying Your Heart Out

Παρασκευή, 12 Μαΐου 2017

One Day at a Time




These days I can’t manage to finish a post. My mind scatters and sometimes I’m even scared to put down into words what it is that’s actually being going on with me.

I’ve always been an emotional kid. An over-thinker and a hyper-sensitive. Prone to feeling everything all at once. And taking other people’s feelings and making them my own.

Last year I met someone that changed my life completely. Changed the way I view things, the way I view myself, the world around me, my relationship with other people, my relationship with myself.

I realised that my profound need to get approval from the males in my life has always been carrying me through. And when I was often not getting it, I would become disappointed to the point where I would find refuge in compulsive eating. My safe place was the mouth. Just satisfying the belly, thus suppressing and neglecting the painful feelings behind this action. 

The past year has been a painful but also a valuable lesson for me. It broke me. Literally inside and out. I had to deconstruct my Self, in order to build it up again and then lose it once more, only to start back from scratch. 

What I’ve come to understand is that everything is a process. A journey that never ends. And every day is a new day to fight the good fight one more time. But you have to do it, one day at a time. It can’t be done any other way. 

The 12-step rooms have taught me that you can’t think your whole life in a day. You have to live today for today. And the more you’re not letting go – anger, sadness, ego, pain – the more these things will eat you bit by bit on the inside. 

Again, this is a painful process, and you can’t learn how to let go in a day. What I can do today is start. Take one small step and say to myself “It’s going to be okay. You’re doing great. You’re doing the best you can, today. And what you can’t do for yourself, God will do for you.“

I’ve had a rocky relationship this past year with God. It went dark for a while. And some days it still feels this way. My communication with God was sullied. By pain and darkness. I let the monsters inside, and they consumed me, and some days they still try to get in, and sometimes they even succeed. 

I won’t lie, I haven’t yet come out of the other side. And for the first time in my life I understood what ‘mental illness’ actually means. Now, I have even more empathy for those who cannot explain in full sentences how muddled things can get inside. Now I can relate to how sometimes you can’t get up from the floor, you just can’t lift yourself up and go on with your day. How you wish that this vast emptiness could swallow you into its dark release so that you just stay there in complete silent despair. 

And then you get these bloody panic attacks, which are the exact opposite from depression. Depression throws you down, makes your mind an enemy and tries to kill you one day at a time. And anxiety is the cherry on the cake; sweet and cunning, it grips you slowly, unexpectedly, from one minor word to a single innocent glance. And it’s like a tornado. It comes down swirling and fierce, not knowing how to escape it or come out of it. And you can’t do it alone. 

To make things worse is having someone next to you who just doesn’t seem to get it. Someone who thinks you can just snap out of it. Alone. And that all of this is your fault. I’ve had that. And I’ve had frustration. And anger. And ego. Around me. All. The. Time. 

Let me tell you something from experience; you can’t just snap out of it. You cant remember to breathe or get a grip. Not when your mind wants you dead, and when you’re body seems to be more of an enemy than a friend.

And the only thing that works is human touch, a hug. The power of hugging is one of the most powerful things in the world. It can soothe your soul down, it can connect your soul, it can make your entire entity feel in total harmony and peace. As long as it comes mutually and is filled with love. Otherwise, an unwilling hug, becomes a hostile and unsafe environment, a dark cave that someone else wants to lock you inside filled with monsters. This unwelcoming hug is nothing more than the opposite of what one needs when having a panic attack. Sadly, I was offered one of these hugs once too many times. And of course, instead of soothing the attacks, they grew bigger and wider. They got out of control, to the point where self harm would play a big role in the attack and there was a lot of confusion and fear involved. A lot of incoherent mumble jumble on my part that I simply to this day do not even have the faintest clue where they are coming from. 

All of these are dreadful things to experience. And unless you experience a panic attack you don’t know how unbelievably helpless you feel at that moment, how scared and in how much agony your body and your mind is in. Words do not seem to be formed in a coherent way, you seem to lose control of your limbs and your entire body function. All that exists is fear. And fear has such power that it can swallow you whole. And the only thing to drag you out of this dark abyss of an attack is if someone is there to pull you out. 

You cannot do it alone. You need help. The point is to understand that you are not alone. I have yet to believe in this. Sometimes it doesn’t feel so lonely. When I find the courage to speak to people and open up about what’s going on. But most of the times, it still feels lonely and scary. 

Like there’s this dark cloud hovering over my head ready to shower its negativity onto me, dreading its outburst. This is how it feels now. I’m at this stage. Still struggling to get up and walk out of the house every morning. 

My dog has been a tremendous help. Animals are in general. And babies. Well, as I’ve not have a baby around to sooth me, I have a dog. And she’s been like God sent, especially when I am feeling this hopeless fear gripping every fibre in my body. 

One day at a time, I am here today. Trying my best, today. Just for today, I will try to make it through the day. One step at a time. With wobbly feet and a fearful heart that tells me that God loves me, even when I don’t want to believe it. 

A bientot! 

Evita Velvet. 


Τρίτη, 25 Απριλίου 2017

Maya





Maya

Once upon a time, there was a little girl with platted hair. She would sit and look at the mirror for hours on end and she would try to find beauty, kindness and friends. One day, a good, but also cunning fairy, appeared inside the mirror and told the little girl the following words: “You will not find the beauty that you seek inside the mirror. The beauty which you seek is inside your soul. And kindness goes along with it. And if you’re brave enough to have kindness in your heart, then your soul will be beautiful too. And inside that beauty you will also meet heavenly friends.” The little girl with the long platted hair, could not understand what the fairy’s words meant. And so, she kept growing up. She couldn’t see yet the beauty in her soul, nor could she recognize the kindness she had in her heart.. And so she grew up feeling lonely, full of melancholy and guilt. I do not know what happened to the little girl, because she still feels lonely, filled with melancholy and guilt. She still can’t see the beauty her soul has or the goodness that her heart holds inside. And many of the “friends” she thought were her brother or sisters, left her side, making her heart ache a little bit more each time. But every story deserves a beautiful ending, isn’t that right? So let’s just say, that the little girl with the brown coloured platted hair still has faith that someday she will be able to see the beauty of her soul, to recognize the kindness of her heart and that one day she will meet her heavenly friend just like the fairy once told her.




Maya

Μια φορά και ένα καιρό ήταν ένα μικρό κοριτσάκι με κοτσίδες. Καθότανε και κοιτάζε με τις ώρες τον καθρέφτη και προσπαθούσε να βρει ομορφιά, καλοσύνη και φίλους. Μια μέρα, μια καλή, μα και πονηρή νεράιδα, βγήκε απο τον καθρέφτη και είπε τα εξής λόγια στο μικρό κοριτσάκι «Η ομορφιά που ψάχνεις δεν βρίσκεται εδώ μέσα. Η ομορφιά που ψάχνεις κρύβεται στην ψυχή σου. Μαζί της πάει χέρι χέρι και η καλοσύνη. Και αν είσαι αρκετά θαρραλέα, αν έχεις καλοσύνη στη καρδιά σου, τότε θα είναι και η ψυχή σου όμορφη. Και μέσα απ’ αυτή την ομορφιά θα βρεις φίλους ουράνιους.» Το κοριτσάκι με τις μακριές πλεξούδες, δεν μπορούσε να καταλάβει τι εννούσε η νεράιδα. Και έτσι μεγάλωνε συνεχώς. Δεν μπορούσε ακόμα να δει την ομορφιά στην ψυχή της, ούτε να αναγνωρίσει την καλοσύνη που έκρυβε η καρδιά της.. Και έτσι μεγάλωσε νιώθοντας πάντοτε μόνη, γεμάτη με μελαγχολία και ενοχή. Δεν ξέρω τι απέγινε στο κοριτσάκι, γιατί ακόμη νιώθει μόνη, γεμάτη με μελαγχολία και ενοχές. Ακόμη δεν μπορεί να δει την ομορφιά της ψυχής της ή την καλοσύνη στην καρδιά της. Και πολλοί από τους «φίλους» που νόμιζε αδέλφια της, έφυγαν απο κοντά της, κάνοντας την καρδιά της να πονάει κάθε φορά και λιγάκι περισσότερο. Μα κάθε ιστορία αξίζει ένα όμορφο τέλος, έτσι δεν είναι; Τότε, ας πούμε ότι το κοριτσάκι με τις καστανές πλεξούδες ακόμα έχει πίστη πως κάποια μέρα θα μπορέσει να δει την ομορφιά της ψυχής της, να αναγνωρίσει την καλοσύνη της καρδιά της και θα ανταμώσει με τους ουράνιους φίλους της όπως της είχε πει κάποτε η νεράιδα της.


Παρασκευή, 21 Απριλίου 2017

Before Dawn


 

Dream playing. 

Her head is moving uncomfortably.
He stirs. 
He’s sighing.
He’s thinking ‘Oh God, not again’.
She’s at it again.

The Dream stops.

She startles up. She’s shaking now.
He asks what’s wrong.
Her screams echo silence and imminent disaster.
He's scared she will snap again.
Her yelling wrecks him.
Something inside snaps little by little.

Come, come into my arms, you’re safe”.
He whispers in the darkness.
She tilts her head.
She’s terrified.
She sees the demons again.
He can’t stand this madness anymore.

Control yourself. Get a grip”.
He snaps.
The cigarettes slip form his fingers.
He promised to quit.
Maybe next week.
Now they’re his only salvation.

They’re here. They want me to go to them.
Why can’t you see them?
Why won’t they leave me alone?
Please, stop it.
Please, understand me.
They live in my mind.
They want me dead.

He’s angry now.
How many times the same story.
How much more can he do.
He’s falling apart.
She’s already fallen apart.
They are both in pieces.

Ruins of a scared love.
Shadows of their past selves.

They curl up into a ball.
A ball of love.
A ball of fear.
Mixed together with faith.
United by hope.

Just like the beginning of them.

Τετάρτη, 19 Απριλίου 2017

The Beast / Το Θεριό







The Beast

It’s sitting there; giving you its lusty looks
Not letting you catch a breath.
Wherever your stare drops
It’s always there; sneaky and cunning
Its calling is but its morbid commands
But with what kind of weapons can you fight against it
Your rotten swords mock you constantly
And no matter how much your tears cover you
You cannot hide form the Beast
Its dark beauty encircles you
Lures you into the chaos of the mind
That’s exactly where it wants you;
To be alone, fighting in vain
Scratching the tiny green lines on your hand
Until they turn red from your shame
And you leave, you’re lost, you’re scattered
You fly away looking at the flames that await you
His touch revives you momentarily
But it is not enough against the giant Beast
The one that grows inside of you at night time
The one that kills you with every dawn
What ruthless being this is
That escaped the gates of Hades
To live inside innocent minds
Unethical and determined for the misery it spreads
It strives with zeal to achieve its blackness
Ignorant and carefree you are
And suddenly you are excited by its dark romanticism
Its sweet melancholy that gives you so freely
Tempting you with appealing lyrics
And it’s waiting in the corner for you
‘Till the moment comes to look inside you
And throw you a smile full of silence and deceit
And it will guide you into the darkness again tonight
In the secret labyrinths of your soul
You’re immobilised and you blow up
Trying to rip your black thoughts
The ones that scream your end
The ones that are flattering your fall
They swirl your mind like the Furies
Whispering your failed achievements
The pale light whimpers in the presence of the Beast
And bows to its power
You are small in its presence and you know it
You are small in its presence and it knows it, too.
The Beast awaits for you tonight
To guide you like Persephone in the shadows
Whilst you chase the white pill on the sheet
Vainly dancing in your fantasy like a pawn
It is all false! And you know it.
But you loved the Beast so gloriously
You give in to its deceitful sweet talk
And you lay your head on the cold floor
Stuttering prayers to your angels
And your insides are filled with blazing fumes
Whilst you are wondering, where all your friends have gone
They are all lost in the ‘Self’
Insulting your bonds.
The Beast is aiming smartly now
To isolate you unconsciously
Building transparent walls
Trapping you in the mind’s desert
With only the white crows for your companions
Reminding you of their curse.
The Beast wants to see you in flames
With your beautiful spasms
Grovelling in your meaningless words
Fighting to make it through
Just for this night too
To see yourself through to the birth of the Sun
Guiding you once again into the glorious dawn
Handling and manipulating your every thought
Greedy and imperious
Its only target; your marrow
For the Beast will always be Beautiful
No matter which era it chooses to visit
It shall always be the Fear of an innocent soul
Like a modern Cerberus
That no matter what you do it will still lure you in
The depths of the dark and misty sea
That storms in your head
Have I not told you of this again and again?
That you are small against the Beast, and you know it
That you are small against the Beast, and it knows it, too
Someday though…
Michael will come and win
One day though…
You will sit in silence and be still
Someday though…
The Beast will Fear,
                     -      Finally.

                  *********************************************************************





Το θεριό

Κάθεται εκεί και σε κοιτάει πρόστυχα
Δε σ’ αφήνει να ξαποστάσεις
Όπου κι’ αν γυρίσεις τη ματιά σου
Πάντα εκεί, πονηρό και ύπουλο
Οι νοσηρές του προσταγές το κάλεσμα του
Με τι όπλα να παλέψεις ενάντια του
Τα σαπισμένα σου σπαθιά σε χλευάζουν διαρκώς
Όσο κι αν σε σκεπάζουν τα δάκρυα σου
Δε μπορείς να κρυφτείς απ’ το Θεριό
Η σκοτεινή του ομορφιά σε τυλίγει
Σε παρασύρει στο χάος του μυαλού
Εκεί ακριβώς σε θέλει
Μοναχός σου να είσαι, να παλεύεις μάταια
Γρατζουνόντας τις μικρές πράσινες γραμμές στο χέρι σου
Μέχρι να γίνουν κατακόκκινες απ’ την ντροπή σου
Και φεύγεις, χάνεσαι, σκορπίζεσαι
Πετάς ψηλά βλέποντας τις φλόγες να σε περιμένουν
Το άγγιγμα του σε συνεφέρνει ελαφρά
Μα είναι λίγο μπροστά στο πελώριο Θεριό
Αυτό που μεγαλώνει μέσα σου τα βράδυα
Αυτό που σε σκοτώνει κάθε ξημέρωμα
Τι ανελέητο πλάσμα είναι αυτό
Που απ’ τις πύλες του Άδη ξέφυγε
Για να κατοικά στα μυαλά αθώων
Ανήθικο και σίγουρο για τη μιζέρια που σπέρνει
Μάχεται ακόπιαστα να επιτεύξει τη μαυρίλα του
Ανίδεος κι ανέμελος σαν είσαι
Σε συναρπάζει με τον ρομαντισμό του
Την γλυκιά μελαγχολία του σου χαρίζει απλόχερα
Σε δελεάζει με θελτικά στοιχάκια
Και παραμονεύει στην γωνιά
Μέχρι να’ ρθει η στιγμή που θα ρίξει τη ματιά του
Θα σου χαμογελάσει με δόλο και σιωπή
Και θα σε οδηγήσει κι απόψε στο σκοτάδι
Στους κρυφούς λαβύρινθους της ψυχής σου
Ακινητοποιήσε και ξεσπάς
Προσπαθώντας να ξεσκίσεις τις μαύρες σκέψεις
Αυτές που ουρλιάζουν για το τέλος σου
Αυτές που σε κολακεύουν για την πτώση σου
Σε στροβιλίζουν σαν Ερινύες
Ψυθιρίζοντας αποτυχημένα σου καμώματα
Το ωχρό φως σιγοτρέμει στην παρουσία του Θεριού
Και υποκλίνεται στην εξουσία του
Είσαι μικρός μπροστά του και το ξέρεις
Είσαι μικρός μπροστά του και το ξέρει, κι αυτό
Το Θεριό σε καρτερεί κι’ απόψε
Για να σου φάει το σαράκι
Να σ’ οδηγήσει σαν μια άλλη Περσεφόνη στα άδυτα
Και εσύ να κηνυγάς το άσπρο χάπι στο σεντόνι
Μάταια να χορεύεις στη φαντασία σου σαν πιόνι
Όλα είναι ψεύτικα! Το ξέρεις.
Μα εσύ που αγάπησες τόσο το Θεριό
Αφήνεσαι στα δόλια γλυκόλογα του
Και ακουμπάς το κεφάλι σου στο πάτωμα
Τραυλίζοντας προσευχές στους αγγέλους
Με αναθυμιάσεις που γεμίσανε τα στήθια σου
Να σκέφτεσε, που πήγαν τώρα όλοι οι φίλοι σου
Χάθηκαν κι’ αυτοί στην ψευδαίσθηση του ‘εγώ’
Προσβάλοντας του δεσμούς σας.
Το Θεριό στοχεύει τώρα έξυπνα
Για να σε απομακρύνει ασυναίσθητα
Χτίζοντας τείχη αδιάφανα
Παγιδεύοντας σε στην ερημιά
Με μόνο σύντροφο άσπρα κοράκια
Θυμίζοντας σου τη κατάρα του.
Το Θεριό θέλει να σε βλέπει με αναλαμπές
Με όμορφους σπασμούς
Να οδύρεσαι στις ανούσιες σου λέξεις
Να παλεύεις για ν’ αντέξεις
Κι αυτό το βράδυ
Να προκόψεις μέχρι την γέννηση του Ήλιου
Που θα σε συνοδεύσει και πάλι την αυγή
Χειραγωγόντας κάθε σκέψη σου
Πλεονέκτης και αγέρωχος
Μόνο σκοπό του έχει το μεδούλι σου
Το Θεριό είναι πάντα όμορφο
Σε όποια εποχή κι αν επισκεφθεί
Θα είναι η φοβέρα μιας αθώας ψυχής
Σαν ένας νέος Κέρβερος
Που ότι και να κάνεις θα σε παραπλανεί
Στα έγκατα της μαύρης θάλασσας
Που μανιάζει στο κεφάλι σου
Δεν σου το είπα ξανά πως,
Είσαι μικρός μπροστά στο Θεριό και το ξέρεις
Είσια μικρός μπροστά στο Θεριό και το ξέρει, κι αυτό.
Κάποια μέρα όμως...
Ο Μιχαήλ θα έρθει και θα νικήσει
Κάποια μέρα όμως...
Θα ξανακαθίσεις ήσυχος
Κάποια μέρα όμως...

Το Θεριό θα σε φοβάται, επιτέλους. 



Τετάρτη, 3 Ιουνίου 2015

The One With the Boy Out of My League






I’ve known you for years. And yet, somehow, you’ve never even crossed my mind. Until now. Why now, I wonder. What happened to switch it all up? I’ve known you for years, but I’ve just noticed you.

I’m sorry if it sounds bad or harsh, but YOU ARE NOT MY TYPE!!! YOU are NOT MY type!!! You are Not my type…You are not my type…you are not my type…you are not my type…you are not my type…my type…my type…you are… *deepest sigh in the galaxy*...not...?

You are a quiet one. Not so much as a matter of shyness but you get lost somewhere. Travelling all the time into a stratosphere not many people care to even venture to. Where are you travelling to?

The young of your age shows that you’re frivolous and superficial. But really…are you? When the doors shut and you’re by yourself, in your thoughts, in your own little cosmos…who are you?

And those eyes…oh those eyes have killed me…those penetrating eyes,  that hold such mystery. Perhaps that’s their charm. Their silence. That’s the trick. Draw them in with nothing but a stare. Cunning like a Siberian wolf.

And yet, I don’t know if it’s the years I’ve spend not paying attention to you or the fact that it has been a romantic dry spell, but there’s something magnetic about you. Regardless, if on the surface for you only lean bodies and waves of blond hair attract you, I think there’s more than meets the eye. Those blue eyes.

Where are you? Who are you? Speak to my soul. It’s ready to listen. Don’t be afraid…

And just like that, once again, you become a cloud and you’re off for another adventure…filled with substances that liberate your body and numb your mind. The flesh I care little about…but the mind…I wonder if it’s beautiful. You hardly let people in, it’s like a challenge to pierce it and delve into it. Will you let me?

I’ve known you for years, and somehow you’ve only now crossed my mind. Perhaps it’s because I had the notion that you would associate the phrase “not good enough” when it comes to me. Not good enough in bed. Not good enough body. Not good enough face. Not good enough character. Not.Good.Enough.

You hardly speak. And you only reply when you’re spoken to. I wonder how that beautiful mind works…Does it connect the dots? Does it suppress feelings and emotional storms? Is there a black box that holds myriads of unlocked feelings? Dare you to listen to them?

The face is as blank as a canvas…And yet, I saw that smile too. Its rarity holds its mystery. What frightens that smile away? Why does it not come more often?

You.Are.Not.My.Type.

The hot kind. The hot beach body kind. The quiet kind. The party animal type. The born to blend type.

But I’ve concluded…you’re a cloud. And just like my silly heart makes up stories of what it would feel like to touch your lips or breathe your air, it is futile to dwell on things that are preordained. 

*Oh but how I long for those lips...*

Whilst you love your self and everything about it on the outside, I struggle to convince myself every day that I am beautiful too, despite the flaws society inflicts on me. But whilst I learn to love myself on the inside, perhaps you struggle to reach an emotional level you never knew it existed on the inside.

And just like that, we’re two imperfects…I wonder if a unison would make a whole perfect.

Will I ever know?

Perhaps. Perhaps not.

The fact remains. It is NOT that you’re not my type, but it’s the fact that possibly, and irrevocably, I AM NOT YOURS… *deepest sigh through the eons*

I have known you for years. But I’ve only just now noticed you. And perhaps it’s time again, to throw you into obscurity. It’s a self -preservation thing, you see. Don’t hold it against me.  My silly heart will always have a magnetic spark for what lies beneath in you…

Boy…be well. Be a good one. And when you soar into the depths of your cosmos, I hope sometime you meet flares of my soul…






Kings of Leon - Closer

Δευτέρα, 29 Σεπτεμβρίου 2014

No Longer Here



There is it hanging
The flickering candlelight
Shading the vastness of the flesh

Those silly words
That pierce the soul
No longer here

Wrecking the day
Chaffing fingernails in anxiety
That stare of an endless void

No longer here
The body remembers
The soul is wrapped in sorrow

So many silly words unspoken
Meaning nothingness now
After the beating of emotions

Now it's the time of the closing doors
The time for withdrawal
A time of the dead season

No longer here...

It's whispered in the nightfall
Among the galloping wind
Down here in the emptiness

'Mother', she'd murmur in passion
'What foreign land you have deserted me for?'
The sleek white paper hand touched her once, only once

No longer here...

People walking like nude shades
Roaming and talking with vain courses
Signifying a solitary nothingness

A soft friend offering embrace
The new dawn that awaits for no one
And you, Mother, are No Longer Here...


~Dedicated to M~
 my thoughts go out to you 


Κυριακή, 9 Φεβρουαρίου 2014

Crave









“And I want to play hide-and-seek and give you my clothes and tell you I like your shoes and sit on the steps while you take a bath and massage your neck and kiss your feet and hold your hand and go for a meal and not mind when you eat my food and meet you at Rudy's and talk about the day and type up your letters and carry your boxes and laugh at your paranoia and give you tapes you don't listen to and watch great films and watch terrible films and complain about the radio and take pictures of you when you're sleeping and get up to fetch you coffee and bagels and Danish and go to Florent and drink coffee at midnight and have you steal my cigarettes and never be able to find a match and tell you about the tv programme I saw the night before and take you to the eye hospital and not laugh at your jokes and want you in the morning but let you sleep for a while and kiss your back and stroke your skin and tell you how much I love your hair your eyes your lips your neck your breasts your arse your and sit on the steps smoking till your neighbour comes home and sit on the steps smoking till you come home and worry when you're late and be amazed when you're early and give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance till I'm black and be sorry when I'm wrong and happy when you forgive me and look at your photos and wish I'd known you forever and hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin and get scared when you're angry and your eye has gone red and the other eye blue and your hair to the left and your face oriental and tell you you're gorgeous and hug you when you're anxious and hold you when you hurt and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and whimper when I'm next to you and whimper when I'm not and dribble on your breast and smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket and hot when you don't and melt when you smile and dissolve when you laugh and not understand why you think I'm rejecting you when I'm not rejecting you and wonder how you could think I'd ever reject you and wonder who you are but accept you anyway and tell you about the tree angel enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you and write poems for you and wonder why you don't believe me and have a feeling so deep I can't find words for it and want to buy you a kitten I'd get jealous of because it would get more attention than me and keep you in bed when you have to go and cry like a baby when you finally do and get rid of the roaches and buy you presents you don't want and take them away again and ask you to marry me and you say no again but keep on asking because though you think I don't mean it I do always have from the first time I asked you and wander the city thinking it's empty without you and want what you want and think I'm losing myself but know I'm safe with you and tell you the worst of me and try to give you the best of me because you don't deserve any less and answer your questions when I'd rather not and tell you the truth when I really don't want to and try to be honest because I know you prefer it and think it's all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life and forget who I am and try to get closer to you because it's beautiful learning to know you and well worth the effort and speak German to you badly and Hebrew to you worse and make love with you at three in the morning and somehow somehow somehow communicate some of the overwhelming undying overpowering unconditional all-encompassing heart-enriching mind-expanding on-going never-ending love I have for you.” 

― Sarah Kane, Crave



                          

Leonard Cohen - Vilanelle For Our Time



Τετάρτη, 15 Ιανουαρίου 2014

"ΛΗΘΗ" - Λορέντζος Μαβίλης























Καλότυχοι οἱ νεκροὶ ποὺ λησμονᾶνε

τὴν πίκρια τῆς ζωῆς.
Ὅντας βυθίσει
ὁ ἥλιος καὶ τὸ σούρουπο ακλουθήσει,
μὴν τοὺς κλαῖς,
ὁ καημός σου ὅσος καὶ νἆναι
Τέτοιαν ὥρα οἱ ψυχὲς διψοῦν καὶ πᾶνε
στῆς λησμονιᾶς τὴν κρουσταλλένια βρύση·
μὰ βοῦρκος τὸ νεράκι θὰ μαυρίσει,
ἂ στάξει γι᾿ αὐτὲς δάκρυ ὅθε ἀγαπᾶνε.
Κι ἂν πιοῦν θολὸ νερὸ ξαναθυμοῦνται.
Διαβαίνοντας λιβάδια ἀπὸ ἀσφοδύλι,
πόνους παλιούς, ποὺ μέσα τους κοιμοῦνται.
Ἂ δὲ μπορεῖς παρὰ νὰ κλαῖς τὸ δείλι,
τοὺς ζωντανοὺς τὰ μάτια σου ἂς θρηνήσουν:
Θέλουν μὰ δὲ βολεῖ νὰ λησμονήσουν.










Σταύρος Σιόλας - Της Άρνης το Νερό



Κυριακή, 12 Ιανουαρίου 2014

Λυκόφως






Τα χαμόγελα του χθες
Έχουν γίνει δάκρυα του σήμερα

Κοιτάζω τη βαλίτσα
Που τώρα έχει μείνει άδεια

Προσεύχομαι μυστικά τα άσπρα χαράματα
Παραμιλώ σ’ αγγέλους και διαβόλους

Η αλλοιωμένη μορφή μιας αιώνιας αγάπης
Να καθοδηγεί το μουχλιασμένο μου μυαλό

Ο χρόνος σαν διαβάτης
Δεν ήξερε πως να υπουλώσει τις πληγές

Το παράθυρο σκεπάζεται ξανά απ’ το δείλι

Ένα λυκόφως που αργοπεθαίνει..




                                 

Paco de Lucia - Concierto de Aranjuez II - Adagio